My Research Method

For my method of research, for my topic Marriage and family: Divorce, I decided to give a survey out. I want to know what people think about divorce. Why people think couples get divorce? What do people think is the most common reason people get divorce for? How many families does the person know that have divorced parents? Why is it that 50% of marriages end in divorce? Does the media play a roll in divorce? I plan on surveying about 20 people- 10 kids/teenagers and 10 adults. I think it will be interesting to get different perceptives from different age groups and see how they will respond to the questions. 

Which side do you take???

In the New York Times, in the debate column there is a section called "When Divorce is a Family Affair". Vicki Larson debates with Beverly Willett about divorce and the effects on the kids. I focused on the section Salvaging a Marriage Saves children vs Trapped Parents aren't happy parents. In Larson section about Salvaging a Marriage, she talks about how parents should stay together for their kids even if they are having troubles because the effects it can have on the kids if their parents get a divorce can be bad. She feels, if couples stop trying in their marriages, then they are not teaching their children about good relationships and  how will they be able to identify with their own potential instead of failures. In Willett's section about Trapped parents, she talks about parents staying together for their kids can be bad because the child can see through it and it doesn't show the kids a good relationship. She feels that parents do not do their child any favors by staying in a dysfunctional marriage. 

I found it interesting to read about the two different opinion's about divorce and whether parents should stay together. I though both sides brought up good points about each side. I understand, why Larson wanted the parents to try to stick it out for the kids because of the negative effects divorce can have on the children. But I agree more with Willett opinion. Though children can suffer a lot from a divorce, I think its worse having the parents stick it out and argue with each other because the kids can see right through that, and i feel they would feel more guilty for their parents unhappiness since the parents are only staying together for them. I think staying together and arguing does show a good relationship and might give the children the wrong idea how a relationship works. 

Divorce Contagion

I read an article about how divorce is becoming contagious.  Studies are showing that the feelings and actions of one person's divorce is influencing others, causing them to get a divorce. This idea of divorce's influencing other comes from the idea based on the theory of social contagion. One couple's decision to split from each other can influence whether your friend divorces her/his spouse. Also a couple's divorce can spread from one couple to another it can also affect the relationship two degrees of separation. The article says that friends have the greatest influenced over divorce but it can also be influenced by siblings, co workers and parents decisions as well. Why do divorces create a ripple effect? The studies show that a divorce friends will confide to a married friend, who then becomes aware of the benefits of a divorce. The article explains that it can influence the happiest couple and the couples who are thinking about divorcing from each other. 

Today when people make decisions they usually consult with friends and family, or they can be influenced to do something based on what society is doing. I was very surprise that people were influenced to get a divorce because someone they know is getting a divorce  A big decision like this, takes a lot of time and consideration, especially with kids, and they get a divorce because their friends are. I would thing that a couple would learn for their friends mistakes and see what went wrong and how to prevent that in their relationship, not be influenced by their decision.  It was interesting to see that even divorce can become contagious in a group of friends and family. 

Divorce Prices

I found this website online called Divorce Service. This  is a web site for a company in New Jersey that couples can get a divorce the cheapest way possible. The logo of the website is "Fast, Easy & Affordable". On the web site site it talks about how easy they make it to get a divorce by listing how easy it can be! Some things on the list include;  no hidden fees, spouse signitaure not required, final in just 4-8 weeks.  It also has the price it costs to get a divorce and how much a couple is saving if they go to an attorney. The goal of the company is to make divorce easy, cheap and fast, so it doesn't cause worry or stress to a couple.

Today, just looking in the new paper or in windows of town, one can find an advertisements for cheap divorces. It's almost like they are selling them as a product. Back in the day people would never see signs about getting a divorce because it meant failure and they would be looked down upon . Over the years the meaning of marriage has change. Today divorce is more common and is not looked down upon by society. Since the meanings have changed society and business have changed. They make it very easy and cheap to get a divorce. This can be good but the can be bad. Because its so easy, people getting married know how easy and cheap it is, so if it doesn't work out, it can be fix easily. Also it is so fact. Couples may rush into a divorce but then regret it because they didn't take the time to think and work it out. I think these reasons have contributed to the meaning of marriage changing. 

Kramer Vs. Kramer

The movie "Kramer vs. Kramer" tells the story of a married couple divorce and the effects it has on their young son. The father, Ted, is a workaholic, so when his wife, Joanna, leaves him with their son to take care of, Ted is having trouble balancing work and his young son.  Later in the movie Joanna comes back fighting for custody of the child. The court gives her custody because they feel that a child is best raised by a mother. Later in the day, when Joanna comes to pick up Billy, she has a change in heart and realized  how much Ted loves Billy and decides Billy can stay with Ted. 

I think that this movie shows stereotypes of divorce very well. It shows that people think that the child should be raised by the mother because the father doesn't always know best. When parents get divorce usually the child stays with the mom during the week. I think this movie shows that a father can raise a child. In the movie Joanna leaves for 15 months to "find herself" and then comes back because she wants her son. Ted had to struggle work and Billy. I think its good that Ted got his son in the end, because he was there for his son, when his mom wasn't. It shows that a father can raise a kid and mother doesn't always know whats best for their child. I think that its good that Joanna realized that what she wants isn't always best for her son. I think that this movie also shows that its never to late to be a good parent. In the beginning Ted and Billy didn't communicate well because Ted was always working and Billy was mad. This shows that its never to later even if parents are divorce for a parent to become a good parent. 

Joint Custody, From a Distance

I read an article in The New York Times, called  "Kramer.com vs. Kramer.com" that discusses how technology is playing  a bigger role with divorced parents, that now have joint custody. When people break up with their boyfriend they usually don't have to see them again, but with divorced couples who share kids that not true. Usually divorced parents will fight in front of their kids about custody, saving money, and how to raise their kids. Some people find the voice of their ex wife/husband irritating or annoying and don't want to hear the sound of their voice. By texting or emailing  this limits the fighting. One parent said that everything, schedules, drop-offs, pickups, are all done my email and it avoids arguing in front of the kids. By not hearing a voice on the phone or face to face it is easier and less stressful. Also by the use of face time it allows the child to talk and see the other parent when they might be staying at the others, house. This way they can still communicate and see each other more than one time a week. If your worried that by communicating by text, the co parent may not response to you, you can set up a family wizard, which tracts the dates, a times, emails and texts are made, to make sure one reposes in a timely manner. 

When I picked this topic i was very intersected in how a divorce can 
effect child. One way that it can effect child is the fighting they may see with their parents, over something that involves them. I feel like the e-mailing and texting helps limit the amount fighting that goes on, especially if things ended on a bad not, they don't have to see each other as often. I think that the face timing is really good because it allows kids to see their mom or dad through the week and show them things, instead of just talking on the phone. 

Today technology plays a huge role in our lives and how we communicate. I found it intersecting that now technology has a role with divorce. Now custody calenders are all done online, so parents don't have to argue. I think that his is good for the child, but i think its important for the parents to be able to communicate with each other face to face civilly. In the future, their are going to be weddings, and graduations where they are both going to have to talked to each other with out the cell phone or through e mail. 

Married couples divorcing after decades of marriage

I read an article on CNN called “Why call it quits after decades of marriage?” This article explains some reasons that divorces are becoming more frequent with couples who have been married for a long period of time. One reason the article gives is that today  the life span is longer than what is was years ago. People think that they may have a possibility of finding a new relationship to enjoy there “golden years” with. The article says that most divorces are common after the “honeymoon” period and reality begins to set in, or after a child is born. But this article says some divorces happen because they no longer have their children holding them together and decide to call it quits. The final reason that married couples get divorced after being married for over 20 years is that distance and isolation becomes part of the marriage after being together for so long and the couple begins to grow apart.

When I picked this topic I wanted to learn more about why couples who have been married for decades are getting divorced. I know a couple who are getting divorced after 25 years of marriage I was shock! I felt like the have been through so much together that it made their relationship stronger instead of pulling them apart. This article really helped me understand some reasons that this might not be true. The article talks about how divorces are more acceptable today then it was make in the day. Also back in the day the life span was shorter than today. Therefor today there is more time of a married couple to grow a part and decide to split.I think that the longer life span is part of the reason why 50% of marriages end in divorce.